Dating Your Grief: Techniques for Coping and Healing by Integrating Grief into Your Life
Grief is a universal human experience, and everyone experiences it in their own way. Losing a loved one, a job, a pet, or even a way of life can cause grief. Some people try to suppress their feelings of grief, while others are consumed by it. However, integrating grief into your life can help you come to terms with your loss and move forward in a healthy way.
What does integration look like? It’s different for everyone, but here are a few tips that can be helpful.
Date Your Grief
One way to integrate grief into your life is to compartmentalize throughout the day. When you are at work or engaged in other activities, try to put your grief on hold temporarily. This does not mean ignoring your feelings, but rather acknowledging them and setting them aside until you have the time and space to process them fully. Some call this “dating your grief.”
To make a date with your grief, set aside a specific time and amount of time for grieving. Make it a deliberate ritual by designating a specific place, such as a chair or a room, where you can sit with your thoughts and emotions. If it helps, choose which lights you’ll have on, if you will have a specific candle or diffuser going. All these choices can help create a sense of structure and purpose, allowing you to feel more in control of your grief.
Jenny has been trying to conceive for four years, but each negative pregnancy test feels like another blow to her dreams of motherhood. Today, on her way to work, she sees a pregnant woman on the bus and it hits her harder than usual. She feels a wave of sadness and longing wash over her, but she knows she can easily become overwrought and she still has to go to work.
Throughout the day, Jenny can't shake the heaviness in her heart. But instead of letting it consume her, she decides to schedule some time for herself later. After work, she drives to her favorite lookout point, where she can be alone with her thoughts. She puts on some sad music and allows herself to cry—to really feel the weight of her grief.
In this moment, Jenny isn't trying to distract herself or put on a brave face. She's giving herself permission to feel all the pain and sadness that comes with infertility. By "dating" her grief in this way, she's acknowledging her loss and taking steps to process it in a healthy way. And while the pain may never fully go away, she knows that she's taking care of herself and honoring her own emotions.
Walk a Labyrinth
Another technique that can be helpful is using a labyrinth. Labyrinths have been used for centuries as a tool for meditation and self-reflection. Walking a labyrinth involves following a winding path that leads to the center and then back out again. This can be a powerful metaphor for the journey of grief. When walking a labyrinth, you can visualize yourself carrying your grief to the center and then leaving it behind. It’s another way to compartmentalize without suppressing your feelings. Knowing that you can always come back to it later gives yourself permission to seek out your grief when you need to process.
Prepare and Set Intentions: Find a quiet and comfortable space where you can relax without distractions. Take a few deep breaths to center yourself and clear your mind. During this time, set your intention to explore and process your grief in a safe and healing way. Remind yourself that you have the strength to navigate through your emotions.
Visualize: Once you've set your intentions, begin to visualize a labyrinth in your mind. Imagine winding paths leading to the center, and visualize each turn and twist as you mentally walk through the labyrinth.
Place Your Grief: As you reach the center of the labyrinth in your visualization, imagine placing your grief there. Visualize it as a tangible object or symbol, and feel the weight of your emotions as you let them go.
Walk Outwards: Begin walking back out of the labyrinth, retracing your steps along the paths. With each step, feel a sense of lightness and release as you move away from the center and towards peace and acceptance.
Finally, taking notes can help you revisit your thoughts and feelings during your designated grief time. Jotting down a few words or phrases when something comes up and then leaving it there can help you stay present in the moment without getting bogged down by your emotions. When you have your designated grief date, you can revisit your notes and process your thoughts and feelings more fully. Or you can take it to your therapy appointment and talk about your notes with your therapist.
Integrating grief into your life can indeed be a challenging process, but it also holds the potential to help you regain a sense of normalcy and live your life without being overwhelmed by your grief. By setting aside time for grief, you can acknowledge your loss and work through your emotions in a healthy and intentional way. Whether you choose to compartmentalize throughout the day, create a deliberate ritual, use a labyrinth, take notes, or a combination of these techniques, the most important thing is to be kind and patient with yourself as you navigate the journey of grief.
If you would like to speak to someone about your grief, reach out to our office.
To read more about grief, read The Steps on How to Grieve or a personal account with grief from our practice manager.
