Navigating Grief: My Journey with Acceptance
Written by Shelli Armstrong, practice manager at
Roots & Branches
This isn't some grand tale of triumph. It's just me figuring out how to navigate the messiness of grief with the help of acceptance and commitment. It's about finding a way to keep going, even when life hands out a situation that won't budge.
Grief has always felt like an impossible emotion to navigate. We hear a lot about how it's okay to feel grief and that it takes time to get through and it looks different for everyone. But what does that really mean? And how does it apply to me? I've been wrestling with this for a while now, finding it difficult to really put into practice, and recently, something clicked in my therapy sessions that felt like progress.
Not too long ago, talking about the source of my grief would've sent me into an emotional tailspin for the whole day (at least). But today, I talked about it, shed a few tears, and then kept going with the conversation. I was even able to acknowledge some positives that have come from this situation. A few months back, that would've been impossible for me. The emotions would have hit like a tidal wave, and I'd be out for the day, crying in waves while my mood got darker and bleaker.
I've been digging into a book recommended by my therapist called "How to Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life" by Steven C. Hayes. It's about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) which is a modality that is new to me. The main idea of the book is to embrace everything life throws at you without pushing emotions away, including those that cause suffering. It's not about ignoring feelings but also not letting them take the driver's seat in your life.
When I started therapy, my goal was to shove my grief-driven emotions into a box, triple tape it up, and set it on a mental shelf to never touch them again. It wasn't really about shutting them up; I have felt this deep sadness, disappointment, and anguish over and over again for a long time. I just needed a break from the intensity. But ACT is showing me that real healing means facing these emotions head-on, not avoiding them.
But, again, what does that even mean? How do I practice this in real life?
I told my therapist that if these emotions refused to be boxed up and left behind, then I wanted them to “heel” rather than drag me along. Could I just feel things without losing a full day (or week) of my life?
Mindful psychotherapy, a big part of ACT, helps me stay focused on the present without judging my thoughts and feelings. It's a tool to move through the hard thoughts and feelings without getting stuck. This approach is helping me break free from all-or-nothing thinking, the kind that says if my life and circumstances can’t change, I'm stuck suffering forever. And when I have a thought about my situation, I have to shut down to make room for the sad and tears. Instead, I’m learning how to work through these thoughts and keep moving. They will pop up, they may make me sad, but they don’t have to ruin my entire day. I can acknowledge the sad and I can move on. This mindset has helped me walk alongside my grief, rather than be pulled into the undertow of it.
So, here I am, learning to coexist with my suffering while still trying to bring positivity into my life. It's not about ignoring the fact that some things won't change. It's about finding a balance, acknowledging the pain without letting it dictate my entire life. Like in therapy, when I hit upon the source of all of this and was able to move through the session.
This isn't some grand tale of triumph. It's just me figuring out how to navigate the messiness of grief with the help of acceptance and commitment. It's about finding a way to keep going, even when life hands out a situation that won't budge. And maybe, just maybe, it's a reminder that even in the midst of unchangeable circumstances, we can still shape our own story and build a life that's more than just about surviving grief.
If this resonates with you at all, and you haven’t considered therapy, I recommend it. Therapy has given me a structured place to bring these emotions up, work through them, and allow me to go back into my real life without them dictating how I live. If you would like to make an appointment with one of our therapists on staff, please message us through text or email.
