Long-term Relationships Can Have a Vibrant Sex Life
In a recent interview on BBC Woman's Hour's "The Spark" series, relationships expert Esther Perel passionately challenges our misconceptions about sex in long-term committed relationships in an article called, “Seven things we're getting wrong about sex in long-term relationships.”
Perel believes we wrongly assume that passion will naturally fade over time and that a lack of spontaneous desire signals trouble. She insists that great long-term sex requires intentionality and conscious effort. Just as you plan ahead for enjoyable activities like playing tennis, you need to prioritize and make time for sex with your partner. Surprisingly, desire often follows after initiating sexual intimacy, not before. To build excitement, Perel suggests using your imagination beforehand.
Open conversations about your sexual desires, fantasies, and experiences you've enjoyed are crucial, Perel emphasizes. Instead of lamenting the sex you aren't having, share what excites you. If face-to-face talks feel too awkward, writing things down can help.
While having kids often strains couples' sex lives, Perel warns against completely sacrificing your sexuality. Disconnecting from your sensual self can fatally wound a relationship over time. Even if your sex life naturally ebbs and flows, keeping an ember of sexuality alive is vital so that the spark can reignite when circumstances allow. Engage in activities that help you stay in touch with your feminine or masculine energy.
In a bold stance, Perel argues that affairs don't always signal the end of a relationship. Sometimes, they can jolt couples into realizing how much they want to save what they have. She advocates for more compassion around infidelity.
While many believe passion is inevitably doomed to fizzle out, Perel offers a refreshing perspective: with care and effort, long-term relationships can have a vibrant and rewarding sex life. It's all about changing our mindset around desire.
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